You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
