Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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