blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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