@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize