I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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