So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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