He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you inspire me to be a worse person
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
You are a genius and a whore.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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