can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Randomize
