I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
