apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
