I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
