I'm going to jail i love you
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
My balls are so social today.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
