So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
