I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Randomize
