did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Randomize
