i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
