My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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