Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
