my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize