So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
