I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
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