Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
