im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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