I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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