Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize