I skipped work to stalk him.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
How external is "for external use only"?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
