I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize