whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
