So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
