I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
