I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
