You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
