well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
