There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize