He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
