If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
