Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
hell yes lets make some ravioli
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
