I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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