If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm sobbing to NWA
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
