hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
