my sisters under your porch take her home
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
tell me about the eggs
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