I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
