This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
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