just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
