I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Randomize