just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
