my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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