so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
