Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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