am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
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