You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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