I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
