Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
