it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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