Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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