sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Randomize
