hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Randomize
