I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
