I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
