I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
