In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
