never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
What drink are we having for lunch?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
