i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
