I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
