You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Hippo gnu deer
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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