We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Randomize
