She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
