She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
A bitchslap is in order.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
