Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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