It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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