I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Randomize
