worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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