Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
