I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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