just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
