there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
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