If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
