you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
